The Giver at Fault

How in the world could a person write about giving and say that it can be a fault?

I have been a hairdresser for over 35 years and I have to admit a very decent one. Unfortunately, I am also very much a giver. The combination is not a good match if you want to use your profession as a way to simply please everyone, .....except yourself. Though I am a giver, it was always hard to separate my giving with the value of my business.  I have witnessed and I believe the ambition that drives us at times to be good, is so that we will be compensated for our future. This is where the bad combination for a giver, as a hairdresser is in contrast to that way of thinking. 

Shall I give you an example? I have been doing a ladies hair, weekly in my basement for the 13 years I have been retired. She was my first client 14 years prior. I am still charging her the same prices I charged when I was in the Salon. 

Fault number one: When I said yes to continue to do her hair, I never set a precedence. But she knew, the person I always was in the Salon, remains to be the person I am to this day, a giver. 

I was very fair, yet competitive with prices, but I was over booked and had less of an income than that of those who charged more and worked less.  Why? Because I am a giver. I am the type of person that would live on less while others stepped on me to get exactly what they needed to reach the top of their expectation of me. I AM NOT BRAGGING, I am telling you my greatest gift was a fault if I was going to truly bless others in my future. 

We are not to give ALL unless it's God telling us to give it. So, why not be the recipient of compensation from the person wanting something greater from me, like my time and my talent? I don't know, I never valued my worth until I realized it was being taken advantage of, I guess.

The 'golden rule' was taken from a scripture in Luke, which that verse doesn't apply to people that covet something that belongs to another. (even if they covet your talent to be landed on their head! lol) This is the lesson I have had a hard time applying to my life. I gave so many times, because I had the talent to give and the person wanted what I had to give, for themselves. That is not what the 'golden rule' means. Or, it is not what Luke 6:31 means. A great and long lesson I am learning.

This awareness has caused me to write.

Good hairdressers are hard to find. I know many of you reading this would agree, I hear it all the time! I have many, who still beg me to do their hair after my retirement. But, I'm staying retired, mostly because my time would be more expensive than my talent and though I know there are those who have offered to give me that huge amount to 'do' for them, I like my space. (but may consider it since I feel this whole thought, in this writing has enlightened me to the fact that maybe God is trying to tell me that the money I have been believing him for is right in MY HANDS with my ability to 'do' hair. But first I would need to establish and value my worth.)

I have a handful of elderly women who won't let me go for nothing. They are affluent and they can afford the top dollar salons in Wichita, but they choose to come to my unfinished "Steal Magnolia" salon to have me coif their hair. 

After my retirement from the hair salon, I knew the only way I would have any 'extra' income is to do the very few I do, in order to keep some petty cash in my purse and also another way of adding money to the ministry I now try to run by faith, when quite possibly all this time it could have benefited through compensation through my talent. 

The big projects or special events that have allowed me to make a decent amount of money, in one lump sum is always great and appreciated!(I have thought many times, If I could do a couple of those a month, I'd easily have a plane ticket paid to get me back to the country of Honduras.)

I just do not want to be bound to any more repeats of weekly clients or monthly appointments from referrals of such events. I'm to busy in my ministry for that. 

But heres the kicker. I am at fault a giver, because I have never set the standard for my worth in the gift I give through my talent. (in the salon, it was different, I set prices I needed. With retirement, I now do it for the extra money, period.)  And from that money, I G I V E!! But I cannot give from nothing, which is why Luke 6:31 is NOT telling us to give to the one looking to us to give, that's either from greed, lack of responsibility to save, or sheer coveting, but rather Give because God has asked you to give. 

Unfortunately, you can't give monetarily where there is not money to give from. This means I place a standard on the value of my talent and ability and charge! Without question or without vagueness.

Givers are a gift from God. Things taken for free, is something I want to teach you about because I am in the service business. If the service is something that you have asked for and you are asking from a giving person, then I strongly suggest to discern where this 'gift' was given, before your walk away with all that you were asking for in the initial set up. I am not speaking of GREED on the hairdressers part, I am thinking more about coveting on the recipients part. (Luke 6:31)

The FAULT lies in the hand of the talent, for not establishing the value, FIRST.

Takers are blessed by the givers. Matchers are always keeping tabs on what they give so that it can be matched for return. (Bless their hearts.)

So, I say this to myself and to you, since you have read this far, If you are a giver then don't take from what you want, give from what you have been given, or have worked for to earn that gift to give from. 

To be more blunt, don't take from what was not offered as a gift or what you feel was a barter to get what you actually wanted. You just robbed from your own giving and you just became a 'don't do' on the list of the hairdresser. 

One knows when a gift is given, but I can tell you for certain, a giver with the talent will not put a price on something you can so easily take without asking.

The question to ask is this; "How much can I give to you for your talent?" If the answer is "oh, it's ok" And you give nothing after knowing you got what you needed, then be aware that you have read this blog. You will never win in the end. E V E R. You are either marked, or you have not learned the value of the gift giver. All gifts are not wrapped in bows. Some are given out of take. God help me that I NEVER get on that list.

From now on, my TALENT/BUSINESS will have a value and a worth because God gave me my gift to bless and be a blessing. And through these harsh sentiments, please know I give my talent, not just money! I am a giver! 

 But I cannot be the one who suffers anymore when I find myself praying and asking God for provision and it's been there all along.  Much like the guy on the roof, in the flood. God sent a boat and a airplane for him to get on, to save him, and instead he said he was going to stay and trust God..........

I trust him, and I will use my talent for his return of the blessing. I want to live to OUT GIVE, but please GOD, help me to set my standard where you see my worth and not allow people to take advantage of my gift.

Divine Dime

There have been times in my marriage when I just could not understand my husband when it came to money. The good and the bad parts, that is.

Here’s what I do know. Charles Clinton Miller, “Charlie” as I call him, is a Tither.

Before he retired and was receiving a weekly paycheck, I noticed that the first check he would write was to the church. I would find it in his closet next to his piggy bank, which is full of dimes.

When he retired and began receiving his social security check, and his annuity check, the first check he would write was his ‘tithe’ check.  

Ok…..so you might be thinking, big deal, or what’s your point? Well, I think I have witnessed that his giving to the church first created a greater residual income from a divine place that never stops giving! Actually I have witnessed increase not only my faith but also my respect for how he has always dedicated his life towards making money work for him. And that is only because he was raised with nothing. Basically he was considered a very poor little boy growing up near the railroad tracks in Kansas City. He was good in sports, so football gained him a scholarship and with every achievement he got more and more competitive and with every competitive ‘win’ he began to think that he could take this same ability into business. Prospectively, he did take those abilities to gain wealth. But unfortunately, after his divorce, he not only had to share half his wealth he remained in the attitude of competing with himself and he determined that he would make more. With a competitive athlete and a successful businessman, it never seemed to be enough to satisfy the hunger to make more!

After another divorce and now living single (waiting for me to come along, haha) he tried a partial retirement and thought he would kick back and enjoy life. However, he and his son started a debt collection company, CCM Enterprises. (stood for Charles Clinton Miller, but he told me it stood for “Christ Centered Men”)  

Somewhere in Charlie’s walk with Jesus, after he received him as Savior in 2002, he not only believed by faith that Jesus saved him from his sins, but Charlie also gained a revelation that HE truly saved him from himself!

Once Charlie began truly walking with Jesus, he realized how serious God was about taking care of him in every area of his life. Because Charlie once relied on money as his god, he realized more and more that money is truly life: 1) Tithing from it. 2) Saving it. 3) Investing it. 4) Giving 5) Avoiding Debt because of it. What he has taught me, when it comes to money, is that every dime you make belongs to God, really and what we do with our money is actually a reflection of who and how we worship our God. Watching Charlie live the way he does with his money has instructed me in my life because I’ve seen in him and my sister Mary Ellen that putting a pen to paper in a ledger or a check register means you are taking into account all that you have and the most important piece of who that is, is simply God saying; “I only ask you to be a part of my Kingdom, with 10%.” When Charlie began to truly ‘save’, invest, give, it not only caused him to avoid debt, but God proved to him that his 10% meant he would never want for anything else as long as he believed this was bigger than who he was as a business man and a disciplined man when it came to money. This meant he was never going to out give God, (not saying he has tried that either, but he's learning too.) because God was going to continually give back to him as long as he simply gave him, his ‘dime’.

Footnote: Since I have been married to Charlie, he has always saved dimes. He told me he has done this throughout the course of his life. HERE’S the point of this entire story,

Dime literally means in French “TITHE”! A "Tenth"

Let me ask you. What is your investment? What if one tenth of what you make, you gave to the church? Not because the Church needs it as much as you need the residual income and the promise from God that He will always make sure you have more than enough. 

God's Drip In My Heart

Honduras Update - Fall 2015

May 2015 Newsletter - Meet the Team!

FINDING TRUE UNITY --when you share your gift.

Bureaucratic procedures are not my gift. I would love to pretend I am good at many things, but I know my limitations and I am best at creativity!!

So yesterday, I sat with tears in my eyes, at my kitchen counter with many notes in front of me, as I gathered my thoughts before talking to the guy named Mark, at the freight forwarding company in Washington, D.C., I paused in contemplation. At that very moment I felt complete inadequacy, about many things concerning this very important process. I just sat and starred. (Gathering all the logistics for the shipping container, which will leave the end of May is a TON of paperwork.)

Anyway…my sweet husband, who has owned several businesses, is very good at executive decisions, therefore he knows how to execute his ideas. He’s a wiz when it comes to business. However, yesterday, he walks up from the basement, from working on a draft that needs CREATIVITY and he says; “I can’t do this.” And with the most forlorn look on his face, which I haven’t seen since his son had a heart attack at age 39!  I asked; “Honey, what’s wrong?” He said; “I’ve got to come up with a creative idea for this event and I’m just not creative.”

I starred at him to see if he could tell that my face was as forlorn as his because of the insufficient position I was stewing in! (Women are more sensitive. Haha.)

I began to laugh at the role reversal, concerning our lives. He retired from owner/executive position in 2011, so he really doesn’t need to put himself in this sort of stress, but something is calling both of us to a much deeper and broader place in our lives than we have ever been, especially in our 11 years of marriage. I choose to get myself involved in many things which are sometimes unfamiliar areas and can also be so challenging to me that I find myself shaking my head in disbelief that I even care at all.   

But it’s the PULL that neither of us can explain. We want to be a part of something bigger than the both of us.

I said, “Honey, I can do creative for you, it’s who I am. But, could you help me formulate this whole conversation with this governmental issue?”

He said; “No problem, that’s nothing.”

I said; “That’s how I feel about strategizing your creative idea for your event!”

WE began to laugh. I cried and laughed at the same time, because it is so obvious that God is stretching us!

What I noticed most in this was unification, which is why I am choosing to write about it now. I saw true unity taking place, for both Charlie and I. For an executive mind, I can’t imagine how difficult it is to relate to a creative off the wall, mind like mine!

For the two of us to work on something together, it’s very rare and has hardly been a part of our daily agenda’s. I am not saying we are not supportive of each other. That would be far-fetched. It’s just strange that right now, we are being ‘forced’ to be more involved in each other’s calendar on a regular basis. That is rare for us. We are both very independent.

We laughed at the turn of the timetable and we found peace in knowing we purposely had each other’s back and there was no need to stress because together we will fix it!

January Newsletter--Written from a deep place within me.